Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
