I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
