Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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