Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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