Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
