My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
