i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
