Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
