y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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