There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
