im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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