very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
