I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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