its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
