well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
