Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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