I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
