My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
