Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
