you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
