Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
