youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My vagina just clenched in fear
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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