We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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