hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
