I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
