how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
