Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
