I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
