I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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