If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
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