Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
