peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
