it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
