Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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