and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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