bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
