Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
