I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
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