Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
