Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
