I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
