At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
