he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
