ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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