Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
