id be glad to
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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