just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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