I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
