Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
