fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
