just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
