at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
